"SE7EN DWARFS-DRUG LORDS OF WONDERLAND"

I just finished the script for Disney's update of "Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs". There were only 2 guidelines, one, they wanted me to "juice-it up" and two, make it more appealing to today's generation of children.

The working title will either be "Se7en Dwarfs" or "Dwarfs-Massacre in Wonderland!"

Without telling you too much about it before its release on October 31, 2009, Disney has allowed me to give a brief synopsis of the movie, the actors and characters they are portraying.

CHARACTERS/CAST

ENCHANTED FOREST

Doc (Harrison Ford)-was at one time a licensed doctor who performed illegal abortions, sold prescriptions for Oxycontin and would except blow-jobs for services rendered. Gang leader.

Grumpy (Mickey Rourke)-the "muscle" in the pack. Prone to uncontrollable 'roid rages'. Does the "collecting" from customers who are a little slow with payments.

Sneezy (Robert Downey Jr.)-degenerate coke head, has completely burned out his septum with a $400 a day habit. Has a degree in Chemistry from MIT.

Dopey (Sean Penn)-full blown retard. Is Grumpy's cousin. Was viciously sodomized while in a group-home. Dopey was rescued by Grumpy when he found out his Aunt Galadriel and Uncle Bilbo had dumped him into the group-home. Used as a "mule" for the family business.

Happy (Denzel Washington)-friend of Sneezy, having met while they were serving time for drug convictions at Pelican Bay. Has a lot of connections with the black dwarfs that live in 'Sleepy Hollow Projects'. Also a gun runner for the Munchkins of Oz.

Bashful (Matt Damon)-psychopath/sociopath. Has penchant for bashing in the skulls of other rivals in the drug/prostitution business. Has a soft spot for the stable of whores working out of the night club the dwarfs own.

Sleepy (Mark Wahlberg)-an unrepentant "skin-head". Likes to put people to 'sleep' with kicks to the head with his Doc Martins. Has an uneasy truce with Happy. In charge of security.

Snow White (Nicole Kidman)-Imports massive amounts of China White Heroin. She has a very tenuous truce with the dwarfs.

Cinder-Ella (Halle Berry)-Happy's girlfriend. She's was also secretly fucking Sleepy, till Grumpy found out and ended it knowing this would have screwed up things good.

3 Pigs (John Goodman, Jack Black & Philip Seymour Hoffman)-rogue, dirty cops who shake down the dwarfs, Munchkins, Hobbits, Lilliputians and the "darkies who live in Sleepy Hollow".


OZ

Wicked Witch of the West (Angelina Jolie)-runs a high-class whore house on the outskirts of Emerald City. It caters to kinky sex addicts. Her clientele include Orks, goblins, Gandalf, Prince Charming and other perverts.

Mayor of Oz (Mini-me)-degenerate sex/heroin addict. Has been black-mailing the Wizard of Oz. Took some pictures of the Wizard having sex with an underage Dorothy & Toto.

Little Bo-Peep (Paris Hilton)-Top earner for the Wicked Witch. She loves the cock!!

THE SHIRE

Frodo (Nicolas Cage)-Still the same whiny bitch. Paranoid schizophrenic who has recruited several Orks to be his body-guards.

Samwise (Tobey Maguire)-Frodo's right-hand man. Getting sick of Frodo's incessant apologies & is planning on offing the prick soon.

Merry Brandybunch (Tom Cruise)-bit of a "fairy". Rumor has it that he was molested by Gandalf. Him and Pippin are butt-buddies!

Pippin Took (John Travolta)-also a "fairy" & molested by Gandalf. Unbeknown to Merry, Pippin is AC/DC & has been frequenting the whore houses with Gandalf.

SLEEPY HOLLOW "DARKIES"

Sharq (Chris Rock)-motor-mouthed smart-ass & crack head. Nobody likes this prick.

T-Kobe (Snoop Dog)-degenerate sexual predator. Runs Sleepy Hollow drug business.

Toke-N (Terrence Howard)-does all the business negotiations for the "Hollow". All-round nice guy. Is liked by just about everybody.

PLOT LINE

The dwarfs have set up a meth lab in an abandoned coal mine. Sneezy is the production manager & manufactures some of the best shit this side of Rohan & Gondor. Things are getting a little hot because the 3 Pigs have been getting a little greedy and squeezing a little too much. Also, there are rumors spreading that a gang of Hobbits, led by Frodo and Samwise Gangee, are going to put out a hit on Doc. Shit starts to happen from the opening scene to the climatic and bloody ending!

A very uneasy alliance has been forge between gangs from Oz, Narnia, Never Never Land, Enchanted Forest and the Shire but control over drugs & prostitution is heating up. The Se7en Dwarfs are having a difficult time keeping control. The only thing in their favor is the fact that through Happy, they have a strong alliance with the "Darkies of Sleepy Hollow" who control the gun trade, but this could change in a heart-beat.

MEMORABLE SCENES

While doing some shooters in a gay bar (he's not gay, he was dropping off a supply of meth) Grumpy spots the 4 guys who sodomized Dopey. He waits outside in the corral for them and when they get into their silver carriage, he empties 2 clips from a Mach 10 into it. For good measure he shoots their horses and torches the carriage.

The 3 Pigs pull an off-duty raid on Snow White's luxurious mansion. Not only do they take huge amounts of cash & drugs, they force Little Bo-Peep to blow them before leaving.

Near the end of the movie, the dwarfs decide to have it out with the 3 Pigs. They get coked up, arm themselves to the teeth and head for the bar the Pigs hang out at and do a donkey-by shooting. From this point the movie deteriorates into one mother-fucker of a blood bath as Lilliputians, Hobbits & Sleepy Hollow darkies begin choosing sides in the drug war and battle it out.

One scene that may be taken out so kids won't be too weirded out involves a cluster-fuck at the home of the Wicked Witch of The West (played by Angelina Jolie).

Warning-This movie will be rated as PG18 because of some pussy-shots and obscenities.

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