CRAZY F**KING TV SHOWS

(Eddie Haskell in a scene from the new 'Leave Me Some Beaver')

Here are a few of shows for the new TV season. Lots of remakes of old TV series updated to appeal to a new generation and some reality shows to feed the never ending thirst of people who have no life of their own.

•  "Leave Me Some Beaver!"-Wally & Theodore (Beaver) Cleaver have grown up and are now in college. Their teen years were turbulent to say the least. Ward Cleaver was shot to death by his wife June after she discovered he was molesting the boys. Anyways, the boys are in community college. They spend most of their time in the pub spiking co-eds drinks with roofies and taking them back to their apartment, which they share with Lumpy and the scum-bag Eddie Haskel, hence the revised title of the show.

• "Morph & Mindy"-hilarious comedy about a psychotic named "Morph", who thinks he is a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger. After escaping from a mental institute, he begins to stalk and terrorize Mindy, a Kindergarten teacher with a penchant for blowing guys behind the local Mini-mart for quarters. Some of the funnier episodes include the efforts by Morph to win Mindy's affection by blowing up her car, torching the school where she teaches and paying some teens to abduct her mother and telling her he would rescue her.

• "Risky Business"-this is a game show that will make others pale in comparison. Contestant will be asked to do really dangerous shit for a couple of thousand bucks if they are successful (and live). With 10 episodes already in the can, here is a list of stunts that have gone really bad. In episode 1, the contestant was taken on a airplane ride with an experienced pilot. Once the pilot exited the plane in a parachute, the contestant, who had never flown before, would attempt to land the plane. This ended with disastrous results when he flew the plane into an orphanage just outside of Juarez, Mexico, 150 miles from the landing strip. In episode 2, a father and son team attempted to castrate a dozen pit bulls that had been rescued from an Aryan Nation Survival compound. The producer of the show said given the fact that the father & son were Afro-American and the dogs were specifically trained by white-supremacist had little to with the fact these men were torn to shreds. "I think anyone trying to cut the nuts off a dozen really pissed off pit bulls would have suffered the same fate", he said. In episode 3, two contestants were asked to pass a hive of African Killer Bees back and forth. Last man standing won the cash prize. There was a winner and he will collect his cash if he ever comes out of his anaphylactic shock induced coma. Finally, in the 4th episode, two men raced to see who could dis-arm pipe bombs provided by the LA Bomb Disposal unit. Sgt. Bob Finnie said these were the trickiest and most complex pipe bombs that he has ever seen. I wouldn't have touched those fuckers with a ten foot pole he managed to get out between laughs as he watched the action.