QUOTES & 911 CALLS-PARODY

I have compiled some little known quotes & understatements from the rich & famous & not so famous. Some real gems and understatements.

• Pee Wee Herman-"I should have blown the guy in the next seat instead of jacking-it, I would have been as popular as Paris." This refers to his bust in the 80's for jacking off in an adult theater in Florida.

• Ted Kennedy-"If I had been driving a VW on that night I would have been the President". The unfortunate Chappaquiddick incident-(VWs float for 10 minutes!)

• Dr. Conrad Murray-"Don't worry Michael. I know what I'm doing!"

• Dr. Conrad Murray-"I've done this a thousand times, don't sweat it Michael!"

• Dr. Conrad Murray-"Jesus Christ, what the fuck is happening!"

• Dr. Conrad Murray-"Michael! Are you alright?!"

• Dr. Conrad Murray-"Fuck me, 911 please send a real doctor to this address, some real bad shit is going down! I don't know what happened, I'm only the gardener for Christ Sakes!"
  

• Dr. Conrad Murray-"Bel-Air Cabs? Yes, I need a cab, super-fast. No, I'll be at the corner of Monterrey and Belfair or running down the street. Hurry, I hear sirens. No, its not cops!"

• Steve Irwin-"Relax, mate, these sting-rays are as safe as kittens!"

• Steve Irwin-"Crickey! That fucking stings! What's that big bright light mate? Mate? Mate, where are you? Fuck, I think I'm dead!"
  

• Barrack Obama-"There was a time in the United States of America when a black man couldn't even get a job. Now look at me, I'm the fucking President!"

• Mickey Rourke-"You know America is fucked up beyond repair when a movie about a fag wins over a wrestler!"

• Paris Hilton-"I don't really have much to do with muff-divers. So the only ones I know of are Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen Degenerate and Anne Heche." This is the answer Paris gave to TMZ when asked who were the great "thespians" that she admired.

• Michael Vick-"When it comes right down to it, I'm a dog lover!"

• Gordon Ramsey-"Could someone please remove this fucking spatula from my arse?" This was after a particularly bad taping of "Hell's Kitchen".

• Kate Gosselin-"Don't believe those rumors, me and Jon are in love and will be forever!" This was one week before TMZ broke the news that Jon was banging the daughter of his wife's Plastic Surgeon.
  

That's it for now, I hope I haven't offended your sensibilities. If I have, too fucking bad. On a positive note for me, I am now with infolinks.com and the underlined words are my sponsors ad links, so click on and use these products.