Hi, gurlz and faggotz, it's Suzey, prez of the Jonaz Brotherz Fan Klub. Here is the latest kewl stuff on our heroes and mega-stars! I've received lots of emails which I am going to share with you. I have also been texting and sexting, gathering the latest info on the dreamy, creamy trio. Here is a pic of me and my boyfriend, Garth. As you can see, he is such a dream-boat! Some of you gurlz have asked me-"How can I find a dreamy guy like Garth?" One of the best places is at the Special Olympics. And they ask how to do keep him? One of the best ways gurlz is to suck their peckers a lot!
FAN MAIL
- My ex-BFF, Carey-Anne, who is 13 (but acts like a retarded 8), says she read that Kevin lost his virginity in Nick's hand. What a cunt! I'm going to kick that fucking bitch out of our Klub for saying something that nasty.
- This is tooo kewl gurlz! Jessica, 11 and lives in New York, wonders if you have heard the best news ever! Joe has removed his Purity Ring!!! Gurlz, do you know what this means? We can get back to fucking the Seniors in the locker room during recess. Jessica wonders if blow-jobs were included in the "Purity Ring Vow"? No they weren't because the Boyz are totally into blow-jobs.
- La Queeta, who is a 14 year old Afro-Negro, emailed and asked if she can start a Jonaz Brotherz Fan Club in Compton? What do you say gurlz? Do you think the Boyz would want gurlz of other persuasions coming to their concerts? I think as long as they don't go 'jungle' while at concerts and act like real ladies it should be fine. Do send me your emails. Personally, I think it would be sooo kewl and sooo radical if we were into being soooo non-racists.
- Contrary to what that mean, nasty hooked nosed Jew, Howard Stern, told his audience, Joe & Nick haven't been diagnosed with the "latent homosexuality gene". The reason they were seen with their hands in each others pants was cuz they were checking to make sure they didn't have "mumps"!! So there you hooked-nose faggot!
- Britney M. is15 and lives in Montecito, CA, has some scary news about Nick! He recently spent some time in a L.A. hospital. But don't worry gurlz, he's OK. That fucking jizz-bitch, cum-guzzler, Paris Hilton, played a nasty trick on the Boyz. She planted her bare butt against the window of their Tour Bus. None of the Boyz have seen "pressed beaver" never, ever before. Nick thought for sure it was a 'face-hugger' from that really creepy, scary movie Alien! He was sooooo shocked, the ambulance man said he had to bitch-slap him several times to bring him to his senses. I could just kill that jizz-breath Paris! Who joins me in these sentiments? KEWL!
- Lacey K., who is 13 and lives in Boca Raton FLA., says that when the Boyz were recently introduced to the super tall, very large Negro, Shaquille O'Neal, Joe really upset the Shaq. "They sure grow the Negroes big in this part of the world! exclaimed Joe. The Miami chapter of our kewl club says Joe should be out of the hospital in a week after reconstructive surgery for a totally crushed skull in this unprovoked "racial incident". Maybe we should reconsider La Queeta's request to start a Club in Compton. We know how violent and sexually aroused these 'people' get when they hear the Boyz play their music. Can you imagine what they would do to the Boyz if they saw them in concert. EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!
- Did anyone see the Boyz on Larry King, Kevin said he felt really sorry for Miley Cyrus. He saw her naked and she must have been in an accident and lost her wiener!
- Marisa T., President of the NY Chapter, said the Brothers volunteered to do a benefit concert for a major charity next month. The NAMBLA president said they have had to move the event from the the Shriners Hall to Madison Square Gardens because the overwhelming ticket demands from members of the club. The door prize will be a romantic get away with the Brother of choice! They sure sound like such a kewl club.
- Joe called 911 recently telling the operator he might be dead and rigor mortis is setting in. Turned out Joe had his first erection!
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