COLLEGE HUMOR

Here are some humorous anecdotes relating to the latest in the world of "academia". For you college and university students, academia is 'the collective term for scholars & students engaged in higher education'.

SPORT SCHOLARSHIPS

The Universities of Alabama, Georgia. Florida, Washington, Michigan, Oregon and California-Los Angeles, have decided to lower the bar for entrance exams in respect to incoming students with sports scholarships.

The entrance interview for freshmen football players is quite simple. Upon entering the office and taking a seat, the registrar will check to see if his shoes are on the right feet. If they are, he has passed. If they are not a more complex test is necessary. It is a series of 4 questions with the respondent having to get 2 right. Here are the 4 questions.

1. What is your name?
2. Looking out the window, can you tell me if it is daytime or nighttime?
3. Which is your left hand? He has 2 chances to get this one right.
   
4. Can you spell the letter 'a'?

Basketball players have a less stringent test than the football players. Upon entering the office, if they have to bend down to get under the 7' doorway they have aced it & need not answer any questions. Otherwise they do have to answer 4 questions and get 2 right, but these are more relevant to a basketball player.

1. Is a basketball round or flat?
2. How much is a 3 pointer worth-1, 2 or 3 points?
3. Which goes on your feet first, your socks or your shoes?
4. Would you rather walk to class or drive in that brand new Corvette than comes with the exclusive penthouse apartment that is included in your scholarship?

To ensure there is no cheating on these exams the test will be monitored by either the student's parents or his agent.

 They have also modified the courses and added a mandatory course for freshman.

FRESHMAN ORIENTATION -What has become a distraction and inconvenience to the player, university and varsity team, some athletes have been involved in some minor indiscretions such as rape, manslaughter, felony possession of weapons/drugs. A Law Professor explains the finer points of a misdemeanor and a felony and how they can avoid stepping over the line from the minor charge to the more serious crime.

ENGLISH -For the athlete to pass this course, they are required to learn and memorize the play-book.

FINE ARTS -Course includes acting (for future commercials, TV shows and movies), selecting artwork for that  mansion they will be buying after signing their first contract. One professor, has opined on the frustration of teaching these neanderthals art appreciation by saying it epitomizes the old axiom-"it is like putting lipstick on a pig".

MUSIC APPRECIATION-BLACK ATHLETES-They will receive an all encompassing perspective concerning the finer points of rap, hip hop, R&B. This will also include the philosophy behind some of the major players in these music genres. Ice-T will lecture on his seemingly incongruous and antithetical relationship between his song "Cop Killer" and his portrayal of a cop on Law & Order.

MUSIC APPRECIATION-WHITE ATHLETES-The course includes C&W, Heavy Metal and 80's Rock & Roll. Guest lecturer Alan Jackson expands on his writing technique-the capitalization of grief and major tragedies, like 9/11. Guest retard, Toby Keith explains the "Red-Neck and Shit-kickers Freedom Of Speech".  And he talks about his ongoing feud with "those cunts the Dixie Chicks". Finally, Joe Nichol will talk about his inspiration for his hit song-"Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off". It seems it was his ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately, he soon discovered tequila makes her blow every guy within a 10 yard radius!

NEW CURRICULUM COURSES 2009

All universities and colleges have added two courses. They reflect today's changes in morality.

SPRING BREAK 101-This is an orientation to one of the most anticipated and productive semester in the school year-Spring Break. Guys will learn which co-eds are the loosest and easiest to bang. For instance, U. of Maryland seniors are outright "whores" according to the "American Collegiate Guide". The course includes tips on how to avoid drinking yourself to death, frying your brains by ingesting a cocktail made of multiple drugs. An Introduction Chemistry course for male students shows how they can make a simple and basic "Roofie" from Kool-ade, catnip, Pepto-Bismal and chili powder for those co-eds who play hard to get. For the co-eds there is a refresher course on alternative post-coital douches to prevent pregnancy. The list includes Shmirnoff Chili Pepper Spritzer (most effective but can be very irritating-but what are your alternatives, burning beaver or bouncing baby?) Which Universities have the biggest fuck-ups & douchebags that you definitely wouldn't fuck let alone give a hand-job. Seems Baylor & BYU lead the pack.

COMPUTER SCAMS 203-This course will get you up to speed in the very diverse and profitable business of computer scamming. The computer, in concert with the world wide web, has created the newest and most profitable new business enterprise. Some of the top universities have already snapped up the best lecturers from Nigeria.

That's it for today, not up to spec but it's done. As an affiliate with www.infolinks.com, the underlined words in my blog are ad links. I hope you will support my sponsors and then they will support me.