Here are excerpts from Mr. Koontzy new book. He says he doesn't have to have a plausible plot, theme or story line because people will read anything with his name on it. The best thing about writing books, said Mr. Koontz in an interview with Larry King, you can write the most vile, hate-ridden crap and get away with it under the guise of "Freedom of Speech & Expression"! This is his first venture into the comedy/humor field.
THE MAN WHO KILLED RETARDS
How many tards had he offed in the last five years? Fifty? Sixty? By anyone's standards that was a pretty good start. And who, in the world, would even think that snuffing them such a bad thing? In fact when he was visiting a German auto testing ground, they used to fill an entire bus with tards and ram it into a wall at 100mph. And it had nothing to do with safety features, it was just for entertainment! He also knew in his heart that everyone hated them as much as him. Should he feel any guilt? He's heard the bullshit from the fucking do gooders. Oh, they bring so much joy and happiness into our lives. One time, this dumb fuck tried to convince him that they made a significant contribution to our society, thankfully he had a tire iron in his hand to cut short that conversation. Big fucking deal, so they could breath, eat, shit and make funny noises. A fucking monkey in the zoo can do that and they don't fuck up your lives by cluttering up the aisles in supermarkets, drooling on the bulk items, sticking grapes up these noses, pissing and shitting their pants. And they scare the living shit of kids! And why should they get into theaters and water parks for half price? When it comes to monkeys, they have provided us with many escapades and antics to amuse us for hours. Remember that 911 call on Youtube? The woman screaming, the monkey screaming? Too funny! And at least monkeys generate some tangible income by being the star attractions at every major zoo in the world. Who the fuck doesn't get a kick out of watching them jerking off and throwing turds at tourists.
Two incidents in Mr. Peeps' life galvanized his hatred and spurred on a psychotic need to rid the world of these creatures. The first was when two mongoloids escaped from the group home and terrorized the neighborhood. By the time the cops rounded them up, they had sodomized seven cats and fourteen dogs, including Mr. Grubbers pit-bull, Molly. Molly had been awarded top dog at the Westminster Dog Show at Madison Square Gardens in 2009. Now she wasn't even good breeding stock. Nine weeks to the day after the 'Retard Rampage', Molly had a litter of 16 MongoDoodles. Poor, old Mr. Grubber couldn't even give them away. Who the fuck would want to own a completely out-of-control, retarded pit-bull? They were even featured on an episode of the 'Dog Whisperer', the show where Cesar stomped several to death after one of them took a chunk out of his cock.
The retards had even cost him his job as a teacher when he jokingly asked his students to write an essay on famous retards, excluding all the Bushes-George Sr,. George Jr., Ellen Degenerate, Stephen King and the American Idol panel. Within 48 hours he was out of a job and the principal had mysteriously disappeared.
CHAPTER 2
Mr. Peeps was nearly a beaten man. There were way more retards than he imagined and this was a battle he could no longer wage on his own. He wasted two weeks trying to recruit fellow assassins and like-minded psychotics to join the "Kill A Retard Club" by placing ads all over the town-on bulletin boards, local newspapers, laundromats and malls. He even rented out the Hyatt Ballroom for $8000 and guess who shows up? Retards! Any thought of branching out and killing the homeless and immigrants was out of the question. He had also heard that police and advocates for the retarded were thinking there might be a connection between the mysterious deaths of the 23 retards in the last 4 weeks. This death rate was up 10% from the same period last year.
CHAPTER 3
Usually I can ramble on for pages but I have come to the conclusion that I haven't laughed at anything I have written recently. Besides, nobody reads this crap except for some die-hard loyal fans and those who have serious mental issues. I sort of liked my Hardy Boys satire and I loved Se7en Dwarfs, which I thought was killer shit. Instead of blogging, I have been really enjoying myself ripping into black athletes and entertainers on the YouTube site, then perusing the hundreds of emails I get from black people who call me a fucking racist. Because I want to live a bit longer and still want to have access to the computer for blogging and criminal activity, I stay away from insulting people of the Jewish and Muslim faith.My next blog is the meanderings of a genius. Fuck me I am very disappoint in how banal and disinterested I have become in maintaining this blog. Ah fuck it!!
Fuck me, that is so sick man and so true
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