Friday, November 20, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
CNN-ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS
I always like to take some time to answer questions sent into me from children from all over North America. I have been fortunate enough to get some of the personalities from CNN/HLN to help with these questions. Blog dedicated to my faithful fans in UK.
WOLFE BLITZER ON HATE CRIMES
Mr. Blitzer-Could you explain to me what a 'hate crime' is. I get really confused when I watch CNN and they talk about this crime being committed. Kylee Morrow (age 8).
Kylee-That's an easy one. Here at CNN/HLN we have a specific formula to determine what's a hate crime. Basically, anything that involves a white person doing something to a 'minority' qualifies as a hate crime. For instance, a white cop arrests a black person, that's a hate crime. Or say 3 white teens beat up a black kid, that's a hate crime. Don't get confused by the reverse. If three black teens beat up a white kid. That's just teenagers having a good time. Get it? Here is another example. Say a bunch of guys get shit faced and go on a rampage and they begin to beat up people. Now if they beat up a fa... a gay, that's a hate crime. But if the guy they beat up is straight, he deserves it! It's that easy, Kylee. I hope you read my book when you grow up-"The Pedophiles Guide to the Internet!"
ANDERSON COOPER ON GAY MARRIAGE
Mr. Cooper-My daddy is a colonel in the army. He says they should allow gays in because they would be good to shoot at for training. He says they wouldn't have to worry about the thing-don't ask, don't tell-because if they have a bullet in them, they can't say shit. Sorry about the language, but that is how my daddy talks. He wants me to talk like that too, cuz he doesn't want a pussy for a son! My question for you is what do you think of gay marriage? Montgomery Clift Jr. (age 7).
Dear Monty-I am all for gay marriage. In fact my boyfriend gave birth to an 8 lb. turd yesterday. We named it Curly Corn Jr. I have a book coming out soon, "Hemorrhoidic Shock-My Life Without KY"!
GLENN BECK ON RELIGION
Mr. Beck-Do you think they should have religion in school and politics? At our school we recognize all religious beliefs so every morning we have prayers for all the religions. By the time we finish it is time to go home. My teacher, Mr. Braidon says for my assignment on religion, I should ask you because you belong to a really whacked-out church. Is it true you think Jesus was born in Ohio? And that you can have lots of polliwog or polygon marriages? And you can have sex with little girls, even your nieces if you marry them. Even though I am only 5, that sounds really fucked-up! Janice McCallum, age 5, Burbank.
Janice-I do belong to a respectable church. I have to check with my leader, but I think Jesus was born in Idaho or something like that. There are many up-sides to my religious beliefs. For instances-How many guys do you know who get to have a whole stable of wives? This is called polygamy. Ask your dad if he wouldn't mind a ménage á trois with a couple of hot 15 year old chicks? What other church do you know where you can actually buy your way into heaven? Some call it bribery, we call it 'tithing'. You should come to Salt Lake City and see the biggest advantage. There are hardly any Negroes there, just whole bunch of white bread folk like the Osmond Family. Finally, if you want whacked-out, check out Travolta and Cruise and the crazy shit their into. By the way Janice, don't forget to buy my book "Buggery & Bestiality-Two Of My Favorite Things".
Thank you very much guys. I really appreciate it when top talent like this gives back to today's children. Although I wouldn't dare leave my children alone with these three for one minute!
WOLFE BLITZER ON HATE CRIMES
Mr. Blitzer-Could you explain to me what a 'hate crime' is. I get really confused when I watch CNN and they talk about this crime being committed. Kylee Morrow (age 8).
Kylee-That's an easy one. Here at CNN/HLN we have a specific formula to determine what's a hate crime. Basically, anything that involves a white person doing something to a 'minority' qualifies as a hate crime. For instance, a white cop arrests a black person, that's a hate crime. Or say 3 white teens beat up a black kid, that's a hate crime. Don't get confused by the reverse. If three black teens beat up a white kid. That's just teenagers having a good time. Get it? Here is another example. Say a bunch of guys get shit faced and go on a rampage and they begin to beat up people. Now if they beat up a fa... a gay, that's a hate crime. But if the guy they beat up is straight, he deserves it! It's that easy, Kylee. I hope you read my book when you grow up-"The Pedophiles Guide to the Internet!"
ANDERSON COOPER ON GAY MARRIAGE
Mr. Cooper-My daddy is a colonel in the army. He says they should allow gays in because they would be good to shoot at for training. He says they wouldn't have to worry about the thing-don't ask, don't tell-because if they have a bullet in them, they can't say shit. Sorry about the language, but that is how my daddy talks. He wants me to talk like that too, cuz he doesn't want a pussy for a son! My question for you is what do you think of gay marriage? Montgomery Clift Jr. (age 7).
Dear Monty-I am all for gay marriage. In fact my boyfriend gave birth to an 8 lb. turd yesterday. We named it Curly Corn Jr. I have a book coming out soon, "Hemorrhoidic Shock-My Life Without KY"!
GLENN BECK ON RELIGION
Mr. Beck-Do you think they should have religion in school and politics? At our school we recognize all religious beliefs so every morning we have prayers for all the religions. By the time we finish it is time to go home. My teacher, Mr. Braidon says for my assignment on religion, I should ask you because you belong to a really whacked-out church. Is it true you think Jesus was born in Ohio? And that you can have lots of polliwog or polygon marriages? And you can have sex with little girls, even your nieces if you marry them. Even though I am only 5, that sounds really fucked-up! Janice McCallum, age 5, Burbank.Janice-I do belong to a respectable church. I have to check with my leader, but I think Jesus was born in Idaho or something like that. There are many up-sides to my religious beliefs. For instances-How many guys do you know who get to have a whole stable of wives? This is called polygamy. Ask your dad if he wouldn't mind a ménage á trois with a couple of hot 15 year old chicks? What other church do you know where you can actually buy your way into heaven? Some call it bribery, we call it 'tithing'. You should come to Salt Lake City and see the biggest advantage. There are hardly any Negroes there, just whole bunch of white bread folk like the Osmond Family. Finally, if you want whacked-out, check out Travolta and Cruise and the crazy shit their into. By the way Janice, don't forget to buy my book "Buggery & Bestiality-Two Of My Favorite Things".
Thank you very much guys. I really appreciate it when top talent like this gives back to today's children. Although I wouldn't dare leave my children alone with these three for one minute!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
GETTING SHIT-FACED IS FUN
Having a great time while shit-faced has transcended time. Here is a collection of art and photos showing good times with alcohol. Anyone who tells you that drinking is terrible is someone worthy of getting their faced smashed in by a drunk!
GOOD TIMES IN BETHLEHEM
Very few people realized that one of Leonardo Da Vinci's ancestors owned a night club, Bacchus' Bar & Grill, located in the center of the Holy City. It was here that many of the high rollers and celebrities of that time partied and got into a lot of debauchery. These stories were passed down through the family. Here are two of Leonardo's paintings from one unforgettable party. On the right is St. Peter, totally shitfaced and being thrown out the back door by one of the bouncers, Lou Cipher. On the left is St. Paul being escorted out the front door by another bouncer, Abraxas and a stripper. Historians think this was at a stag thrown for Jesus!
POLAND'S DESIGNATED WHEEL BARROW PROGRAM
The Polish Government has always been at the forefront when it comes to innovative ideas and programs. The Interior Minister claims that it was a Polack who invented the wheel in 1931. Last year they began the Safe Driver Program. For only 170 Kopecks ($1.50) you can hire an old lady to wheel you up to 120 miles. Poland says they have saved millions in deductibles and hundreds of lives from the accidents involving wheelbarrows!
PABSTS BLUE RIBBON-CHRISTMAS CHEER
With Xmas soon approaching, the media blitz is on to get everyone blitzed during the festive season. Pabst has come out with a line of beer that has a baby bottle top. Isn't it fucking annoying when your pissing it up on New Year's Eve and one of your guests ask-"Isn't that your baby throwing a tantrum in the bedroom?" The alcohol content is 28% so before you know it, Junior is in an alcohol induced coma and you can get back to the fun! Little fellow in the picture is asking the bartender for 4 fingers of scotch as a chaser.
DRUNK OR RETARDED?
Ever had the experience when someone was acting like a complete asshole in the pub and people would stare and say-"Is that guy drunk or just a fucking retard?" Thanks to those do-gooders and social reformers, they may be both. Another up-side of these social reforms is in the fact that you no longer have to hide your retarded brother or sister when having a party. Or leave them at home when you go to the pub to enjoy a couple of dozen brews, worrying about that weird shit retards do when their alone-like burning down your house or having sex with your pets. Now you can take them with you to the pub, get them drunk and watch the fun begin! They can come in real handy when some bad shit starts to go down at the next table. Say some biker is being loud and obnoxious. Get tardo to walk over and bust a beer mug over his head. Even a biker knows that nobody can fuck-up a tard without everyone coming down on him. Even his fellow bikers frown on someone beating the shit out of a mongoloid!
STAG PARTY HI JINX
Who can resist the great fun and excitement of getting your best friend completely shit-faced the night before his wedding. There are hundreds of harmless pranks you can pull off. Such as forcing him drink a 40 oz. of tequila, putting him in the ER with alcohol poisoning. Shaving his balls then super-gluing both of his hands to his cock or getting some diseased crack whore to fuck him! The classiest thing to do (picture on the right)-shaving a happy face on his ass and publishing the picture on Youtube for all the world to see, even his bride-to-be's parents who are devote Christians and hate his fucking guts and wished their little girl never met the prick!!
CLASSY GENTLEMEN
Nothing wrong with having a couple of brews and relaxing in a doorway like these two upstanding college kids. Everyone needs to take a break every once in a while. Why people object to these non-offensive activities I'll never know!
That's it for fun with drunkeness! Doc
GOOD TIMES IN BETHLEHEM Very few people realized that one of Leonardo Da Vinci's ancestors owned a night club, Bacchus' Bar & Grill, located in the center of the Holy City. It was here that many of the high rollers and celebrities of that time partied and got into a lot of debauchery. These stories were passed down through the family. Here are two of Leonardo's paintings from one unforgettable party. On the right is St. Peter, totally shitfaced and being thrown out the back door by one of the bouncers, Lou Cipher. On the left is St. Paul being escorted out the front door by another bouncer, Abraxas and a stripper. Historians think this was at a stag thrown for Jesus!
POLAND'S DESIGNATED WHEEL BARROW PROGRAM
The Polish Government has always been at the forefront when it comes to innovative ideas and programs. The Interior Minister claims that it was a Polack who invented the wheel in 1931. Last year they began the Safe Driver Program. For only 170 Kopecks ($1.50) you can hire an old lady to wheel you up to 120 miles. Poland says they have saved millions in deductibles and hundreds of lives from the accidents involving wheelbarrows!
With Xmas soon approaching, the media blitz is on to get everyone blitzed during the festive season. Pabst has come out with a line of beer that has a baby bottle top. Isn't it fucking annoying when your pissing it up on New Year's Eve and one of your guests ask-"Isn't that your baby throwing a tantrum in the bedroom?" The alcohol content is 28% so before you know it, Junior is in an alcohol induced coma and you can get back to the fun! Little fellow in the picture is asking the bartender for 4 fingers of scotch as a chaser.
Ever had the experience when someone was acting like a complete asshole in the pub and people would stare and say-"Is that guy drunk or just a fucking retard?" Thanks to those do-gooders and social reformers, they may be both. Another up-side of these social reforms is in the fact that you no longer have to hide your retarded brother or sister when having a party. Or leave them at home when you go to the pub to enjoy a couple of dozen brews, worrying about that weird shit retards do when their alone-like burning down your house or having sex with your pets. Now you can take them with you to the pub, get them drunk and watch the fun begin! They can come in real handy when some bad shit starts to go down at the next table. Say some biker is being loud and obnoxious. Get tardo to walk over and bust a beer mug over his head. Even a biker knows that nobody can fuck-up a tard without everyone coming down on him. Even his fellow bikers frown on someone beating the shit out of a mongoloid!
Who can resist the great fun and excitement of getting your best friend completely shit-faced the night before his wedding. There are hundreds of harmless pranks you can pull off. Such as forcing him drink a 40 oz. of tequila, putting him in the ER with alcohol poisoning. Shaving his balls then super-gluing both of his hands to his cock or getting some diseased crack whore to fuck him! The classiest thing to do (picture on the right)-shaving a happy face on his ass and publishing the picture on Youtube for all the world to see, even his bride-to-be's parents who are devote Christians and hate his fucking guts and wished their little girl never met the prick!!
Nothing wrong with having a couple of brews and relaxing in a doorway like these two upstanding college kids. Everyone needs to take a break every once in a while. Why people object to these non-offensive activities I'll never know!
That's it for fun with drunkeness! Doc
Monday, November 9, 2009
CELEBS-WHEN THEY WERE UGLY
Andy Leibowitz has been an author and photographer for over two decades. His new book, The Famous & The Fucked-Up, will soon be hitting book stores. "This will be the last book I will be publishing. Unfortunately, the retardation of America is now full blown. People are not into reading or looking at photos unless it's porno," said Andy. Here are a few of the classic photos he has collected of some of today's stars when they were children. He has included some info behind the circumstances of each picture. Another reason Andy is leaving this field could also be due to the fact he took a real shit-kicking from a kangaroo at the petting zoo!
PAUL DAVID HEWSON (BONO)
This is a photo of Paul the day he entered the Northern Ireland Home for Abandoned Children and Leprechauns. When he walked into the room, the first thought I had was -The things you see when you don't have a gun handy! It was here that he met David Howell Evans. The two were never adopted even though the headmaster, Father Guido Sanducci said the boys came with a lifetime supply of potatoes and Irish Whiskey. They later went on to form one of the most famous bands in the world-U2. You may know these two better by their stage names Bono (Paul) and The Edge (David).
SIMON COWELL
This is a picture I took of Simon the day he was booked into Brighton Juvenile Detention Center. He had been arrested for 'Impersonating a Human Being' and breach of parole. The breach of parole was for an earlier arrest for identity theft. He had tried to make some high-end purchases at London's Harrod Department Store using the identity of Princess Diana.
One of my most interesting assignments was when I was asked by National Geographic Society to illustrate one of their books-Evolution of Man. This photo was used for the section "The Missing Link". Even at the tender age of 6, Kanye was an insufferable little prick and had a star mentality.
This picture was taken when I was contracted by Vancouver Talmud Torah Elementary School. When Seth walked into the room for his photo, his teacher asked me if leprosy was endemic to North America. Seth's parents were very upset with his situation. He still hadn't been circumcised yet because they couldn't find a Mohel to perform the ritual. Explained Rabbi Goldberg, Principal of the school-"Take a look at Seth! Who in their right mind would go near the crotch of someone whose face looks that diseased?" You can't question that kind of logic.
This has to be one of the most enigmatic of all the children I have photographed. This little guy had a heart of gold and was as homely as a baboon's ass. How he turned into that handsome, swarthy dog-murderer, I'll never know. But, that's life!!
Bye.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
TMZ-NEWS PARODY ON CELEBS
THE REAL LOWDOWN & SHIT ABOUT CELEBRITIES
WARNING XTREME PARODY MAY OFFEND
BILLY JOEL & ELTON JOHN
It was a really bad start to the 'Piano Men Tour'-Elton got the Rectal Flu and Billy found out he was a talentless fuck, but the show is back on the road. This picture shows the boys rolling into London's Wembley Stadium kicking off the UK leg. In attendance was Queen Elizabeth who told reporters after the show-"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind!" They have a CD coming out in December-"Two Fat Fucks Milking It".
JETHRO TULL
Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull is really excited about joining several retro-bands for this summers blockbuster tour-"Really Old Fuckers Rocking". Included in the line-up will be The Troggs, Herman's Hermits, Jerry and the Pacemakers (interestingly, everyone of the band members now have pacemakers since they are all now in the 70's) and The Animals, even though every member of that band is dead. Pictured is a really coked-up Ian doing a special performance for Pope Benedict at the Vatican.
METALLICA
Metallica's 6 year, 400 city world tour "The Same Shit As The Last Tour" has raked in billions. Pictured is James Hetfield, relaxing after a sold out show at the Budokan in Tokyo.I sleep with a gun cause I don't trust these foreigners. James has said that after successfully copyrighting the word Metallica, they are looking into doing the same with the following words-'Band', 'The', 'James', and a few others. Maybe they should also include 'asshole'!
SEX IN THE CITY
Fans of the show will be happy to hear that a new season of the show is now in production. Creator of the show, Darren Star, said he had some major concerns. "The girls packed on a few pounds over the last couple of years. Wardrobe was in a real quandary on what to do till they found out Serena Williams has a clothing line out (in the picture the girls are modeling some of Serena's bathing-suits). With the story line always revolving around intimate relationships, what man in his right mind would want to fuck these porkers, other than Jamaicans!" Kim Cantrall, far left, said somehow they would have to hide her unexpected pregnancy. "I know through the magic of TV, nobody will even know I am expecting!" gushed Kim.
LANCE ARMSTRONG
"This year will most likely be my last Tour de France," said a sad Lance Armstrong, spotted coming out of a Marseilles pharmacy with a supply of steroids during a pause in the 3rd leg of the Tour. "I just don't seem to have the stamina anymore. And I don't know if it is due to the fact I lost my nuts or those fucking steroids not working like they used too!" said a tearful Lance. This could be the last time his fans see him wearing the race leader's yellow jersey!
HULK HOGAN
In an interview with TMZ, the Hulkster said he has had a drastic reaction to a new steroid he has switched to. "A lot of people might not see the subtle change in me," he lamented, " but I got to tell you I am really happy with the hair growth. Having your nuts fall off and your tits shoot out can really fuck a guy's head up!" According to estranged and strange ex-wife Linda, his nuts have been merely decoration anyways for the last 10 years. "They were about the size of those little Glossette Chocolate Peanuts," she says. "Some nights, I would hear him in bathroom pounding his pudding for a good hour with no results."
STEPHEN KING
Mr. King just finished his annual 6 month "vacation" in the Bangor Psychiatric Hospital. Here he proudly displays the 2 paper-mache figures he made in therapy class. "I am going to start a new line of toys for toddlers (what infant wouldn't want to have these hanging from their crib?) I was in the knitting class but they kicked me out when I stuck knitting needles in this cunts eyes after she said I look funny! Now she doesn't have to look at anyone," giggled Stephen. When asked if he is working on a new book he said, "When the fuck aren't I?" Stephen was also asked if he had any lingering effects from that terrible accident in 1999. You may remember he was hit by that van when he was standing in the middle of Highway 5 at 4 a.m., waving at some aliens who were signaling him from Venus. "No I don't", said Stephen, "the doctor said it was a good thing that my head took the entire impact of the van that hit me at 80 mph!" That's nice Stephen!
KISS TOUR
It seems another rock band trying to make a comeback tour has run into a few snags. Pictured here is Gene Simmons who collapsed on stage two minutes into the first song on opening night at Staples Center in LA. Paul Stanley was not too amused by the turn of events. "Take a look at that dissipated, lizard tongued mother fucker!" screamed Paul. "If I didn't know any better I'd say he has fucking AIDS." Since Gene did little else than stick his tongue out while on stage, a couple of stage-hands propped him up by sticking a broom up his ass, while one of the equipment managers stood behind him playing the bass guitar as badly as Gene.
BILL CLINTON
Bill is giving back to the community by talking to young kids in inner-city schools. Uncle Bill has been explaining the 'opportunities' and the advantages of being a politician. Here he is showing little Antonio Vargas III his scrap book of all the women he has porked since he first entered politics. The book contains approximately 6,000 choice pieces of ass! Little Antonio asked Bill for the phone number of the blond on the right. Bill said that the door is now wide open for anyone in the USA-"Who would have thought a spear-chuck...black man could become the President, just nosing out a bitch, I mean my wife! You can't imagine the shit you can get away with when your a politician! Being in politics is more profitable than being a crack dealer or pimp. The chances of getting arrested are minimal!"
JONAS BROTHERS
The Jonas Brothers were disappointed losers at the EMA's. They lost out to Tokio Hotel as 'Best Young Fag Band'. The father of the boys, Paul Jonas, Sr. is seen returning to the hotel with some KFC. "I know how to cheer the boys up!" said the twisted old prick. In December, the boys join Miley Cyrus for a mega tour sponsored by the Disney Corporation. The "Who The Fuck Would Actually Buy Tickets To See These Dip-Shits Other Than Retarded Teen-Age Girls Tour" will hit several cities. Jonas Brothers manager says there is no under-estimating the bad taste of their fans. "When I look out at the crowd, I swear to Christ I think I'm at the Special Olympics. I didn't know there were these many tards in America. Thank you God, is all I can say!"
Well, I guess thats enough sick and twisted shit for one day. Man I am on a roll. If my wife ever reads this.....
BILLY JOEL & ELTON JOHN
It was a really bad start to the 'Piano Men Tour'-Elton got the Rectal Flu and Billy found out he was a talentless fuck, but the show is back on the road. This picture shows the boys rolling into London's Wembley Stadium kicking off the UK leg. In attendance was Queen Elizabeth who told reporters after the show-"I didn't know whether to shit or go blind!" They have a CD coming out in December-"Two Fat Fucks Milking It".
Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull is really excited about joining several retro-bands for this summers blockbuster tour-"Really Old Fuckers Rocking". Included in the line-up will be The Troggs, Herman's Hermits, Jerry and the Pacemakers (interestingly, everyone of the band members now have pacemakers since they are all now in the 70's) and The Animals, even though every member of that band is dead. Pictured is a really coked-up Ian doing a special performance for Pope Benedict at the Vatican.
Metallica's 6 year, 400 city world tour "The Same Shit As The Last Tour" has raked in billions. Pictured is James Hetfield, relaxing after a sold out show at the Budokan in Tokyo.I sleep with a gun cause I don't trust these foreigners. James has said that after successfully copyrighting the word Metallica, they are looking into doing the same with the following words-'Band', 'The', 'James', and a few others. Maybe they should also include 'asshole'!
Fans of the show will be happy to hear that a new season of the show is now in production. Creator of the show, Darren Star, said he had some major concerns. "The girls packed on a few pounds over the last couple of years. Wardrobe was in a real quandary on what to do till they found out Serena Williams has a clothing line out (in the picture the girls are modeling some of Serena's bathing-suits). With the story line always revolving around intimate relationships, what man in his right mind would want to fuck these porkers, other than Jamaicans!" Kim Cantrall, far left, said somehow they would have to hide her unexpected pregnancy. "I know through the magic of TV, nobody will even know I am expecting!" gushed Kim.
"This year will most likely be my last Tour de France," said a sad Lance Armstrong, spotted coming out of a Marseilles pharmacy with a supply of steroids during a pause in the 3rd leg of the Tour. "I just don't seem to have the stamina anymore. And I don't know if it is due to the fact I lost my nuts or those fucking steroids not working like they used too!" said a tearful Lance. This could be the last time his fans see him wearing the race leader's yellow jersey!
In an interview with TMZ, the Hulkster said he has had a drastic reaction to a new steroid he has switched to. "A lot of people might not see the subtle change in me," he lamented, " but I got to tell you I am really happy with the hair growth. Having your nuts fall off and your tits shoot out can really fuck a guy's head up!" According to estranged and strange ex-wife Linda, his nuts have been merely decoration anyways for the last 10 years. "They were about the size of those little Glossette Chocolate Peanuts," she says. "Some nights, I would hear him in bathroom pounding his pudding for a good hour with no results."
Mr. King just finished his annual 6 month "vacation" in the Bangor Psychiatric Hospital. Here he proudly displays the 2 paper-mache figures he made in therapy class. "I am going to start a new line of toys for toddlers (what infant wouldn't want to have these hanging from their crib?) I was in the knitting class but they kicked me out when I stuck knitting needles in this cunts eyes after she said I look funny! Now she doesn't have to look at anyone," giggled Stephen. When asked if he is working on a new book he said, "When the fuck aren't I?" Stephen was also asked if he had any lingering effects from that terrible accident in 1999. You may remember he was hit by that van when he was standing in the middle of Highway 5 at 4 a.m., waving at some aliens who were signaling him from Venus. "No I don't", said Stephen, "the doctor said it was a good thing that my head took the entire impact of the van that hit me at 80 mph!" That's nice Stephen!
It seems another rock band trying to make a comeback tour has run into a few snags. Pictured here is Gene Simmons who collapsed on stage two minutes into the first song on opening night at Staples Center in LA. Paul Stanley was not too amused by the turn of events. "Take a look at that dissipated, lizard tongued mother fucker!" screamed Paul. "If I didn't know any better I'd say he has fucking AIDS." Since Gene did little else than stick his tongue out while on stage, a couple of stage-hands propped him up by sticking a broom up his ass, while one of the equipment managers stood behind him playing the bass guitar as badly as Gene.
Bill is giving back to the community by talking to young kids in inner-city schools. Uncle Bill has been explaining the 'opportunities' and the advantages of being a politician. Here he is showing little Antonio Vargas III his scrap book of all the women he has porked since he first entered politics. The book contains approximately 6,000 choice pieces of ass! Little Antonio asked Bill for the phone number of the blond on the right. Bill said that the door is now wide open for anyone in the USA-"Who would have thought a spear-chuck...black man could become the President, just nosing out a bitch, I mean my wife! You can't imagine the shit you can get away with when your a politician! Being in politics is more profitable than being a crack dealer or pimp. The chances of getting arrested are minimal!"
The Jonas Brothers were disappointed losers at the EMA's. They lost out to Tokio Hotel as 'Best Young Fag Band'. The father of the boys, Paul Jonas, Sr. is seen returning to the hotel with some KFC. "I know how to cheer the boys up!" said the twisted old prick. In December, the boys join Miley Cyrus for a mega tour sponsored by the Disney Corporation. The "Who The Fuck Would Actually Buy Tickets To See These Dip-Shits Other Than Retarded Teen-Age Girls Tour" will hit several cities. Jonas Brothers manager says there is no under-estimating the bad taste of their fans. "When I look out at the crowd, I swear to Christ I think I'm at the Special Olympics. I didn't know there were these many tards in America. Thank you God, is all I can say!"
Monday, November 2, 2009
C & W AIDS BENEFIT
THE NASHVILLE AIDS BENEFIT
Some of the greatest Country & Western stars performed for "The Cowboy's Benefit Concert For AIDS". Fans of C&W music will be able to purchase CD/DVD from Wal-Mart. Each and every song was written specifically for this concert. Here is the line-up of the stars that performed and the songs that will be included on the CD.
THE FOUR AMIGOS
This "Super Group" made up of Alan Jackson, Tim McGraw, Toby Keith and Keith Urban brought down the house with the following songs.
DIXIE CHICKS
The Texas Trio were greeted by a loud chorus of boos and jeers because of the comments they made about George Bush and the war in Iraq when they were in London. But they soon won the hearts of die hard shit-kickers in the audience with a stellar performance of the following songs.
GARTH BROOKS
To say the audience was stunned by Garth's new personae would have been understatement. To make matters worse, he was was totally shit-faced on bourbon. After his performance, Garth was asked to clarify and define his new style and image. "I would call it retro-retard or plain hillbilly dumb fuck", slurred Garth. His songs were classic Garth-from the heart and brutally honest. His first song was dedicated to the men in uniform fighting in Iraq.
DOLLY PARTON
Dolly flew into Nashville after doing a shoot in Little Rock, Arkansas for Jenny Craig. Still sporting a magnificent set of tits, she got the crowd on their feet and running for the doors when she ripped off this tremendous fart that blew out several amps! Dolly still has the voice of an angel and an incredible song writing ability. Here are the songs she delivered.
Some of the greatest Country & Western stars performed for "The Cowboy's Benefit Concert For AIDS". Fans of C&W music will be able to purchase CD/DVD from Wal-Mart. Each and every song was written specifically for this concert. Here is the line-up of the stars that performed and the songs that will be included on the CD.
THE FOUR AMIGOS
This "Super Group" made up of Alan Jackson, Tim McGraw, Toby Keith and Keith Urban brought down the house with the following songs.
- 'Drop Dem Britches & Grab Some Ankle'
- 'The Cowboy With The Purdy Lips!'
- 'Ridin' Bare Back Blues'
- 'Whisker Burns On My Crotch'
- 'Gonna Fuck-Up Those Dixie Chicks'
The Texas Trio were greeted by a loud chorus of boos and jeers because of the comments they made about George Bush and the war in Iraq when they were in London. But they soon won the hearts of die hard shit-kickers in the audience with a stellar performance of the following songs.
- 'Got Nothing Against Fags'
- 'Saddle Sore Snatch'
- 'Toby Keith Is Such A Pussy!'
- 'Bush Looks Good To Us Now That A N....!'
To say the audience was stunned by Garth's new personae would have been understatement. To make matters worse, he was was totally shit-faced on bourbon. After his performance, Garth was asked to clarify and define his new style and image. "I would call it retro-retard or plain hillbilly dumb fuck", slurred Garth. His songs were classic Garth-from the heart and brutally honest. His first song was dedicated to the men in uniform fighting in Iraq.
- 'Light-Up Those Dunecoons!'
- 'We Got What In The Whitehouse?'
- 'Steers & Queers-A Texas BBQ!'
- 'Sickle Cell & AIDS-Thank You God!'
Dolly flew into Nashville after doing a shoot in Little Rock, Arkansas for Jenny Craig. Still sporting a magnificent set of tits, she got the crowd on their feet and running for the doors when she ripped off this tremendous fart that blew out several amps! Dolly still has the voice of an angel and an incredible song writing ability. Here are the songs she delivered.
- 'Is That Shit On Your Cock?'
- 'Hobnobbing & Knob Gobbling!'
- 'Misty Mountain Fag Drag!'
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