TODDLERS, TIARAS AND TUGGERS
This is a spin-off of TLC's Toddlers & Tiaras. The new twist to this show is that there is a dual competition. The toddlers are still trying to satisfy the pathological need of their mothers to live their lives vicariously through their daughters. But the added twist to this already sick and twisted show, is that the judges are made up of a panel of convicted pedophiles. The four judges will have their hands placed on top of the table. The winning judge is the one who resists 'tugging' on his pecker longer than the other judges.
A very simple, basic and potentially fatal formula. There is a penned up grizzly, a contestant who is provided with a .22 caliber rifle containing one bullet, a hundred yards of snow covered terrain and a tree. The contestant has a 50 yard head start then the grizzly is tasered in the nuts and the pen door is opened. To win $10,000 the contestant has only to reach and climb the tree before the grizzly over takes and slaughters him. Now there are several options for the runner-
- He can try to take out the bear with the single .22 bullet.
- After further enraging the bear with a minor bullet wound, he can try to club the bear into submission with the butt of the rifle.
- He can completely abandon any attempt to use the rifle and run straight to the tree and climb it. This would be a tall order. The fastest any human has run under optimal conditions is 23 mph. The contestant will be wearing boots, winter gear and running through knee high snow. The average speed of a bear who has had his nuts tasered is 65 mph. Now add 10 more mph when he has been pissed off by a guy who has shot at it him, you have an unsurmountable disadvantage to the contestant.
- The contestant can curl up into a ball and shit his pants. Bears have an aversion to eating anything that is covered in human excrement although no test have been done with bears who have had 10,000 volts shot through their testicles.
